Presidential Platform
Worthy of Support!

Election humor received via e-mail --

Now here's a Presidential Platform worthy of support:

(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can. (Ed.: While we agree with the basic premise, we'd give folks a reasonable amount of time to learn English after arrival. After all, immersion is the best way to learn a new language.)

(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will adopt 'Wal-Mart's philosophy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on them.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. (Ed.: Ummm . . . why retirees?)

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin' in, you ain't gettin' nuttin' out. The president or any other politician will not be able to touch it. (Ed.: The way it should be!)

(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40-hour school week, and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes -- Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive, you're banned for life.


(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There will be no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at every public school and every day in Congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes, but a vote for this would get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get.

Thanks for listening, and God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!!

Ed. note: This "platform" has been falsely attributed in some quarters to actor Bill Cosby. Sounds more like the late great John Wayne to us!